Sociological Research Online, 2024, First published online, 23 July 2024

The degree to which agency and identity are experienced as individualised or relational constructs have been widely debated in the sociological literature. Yet, at the centre of these debates are Western notions and understandings of individualisation and relationality, including in family research. They have relied on individualised and nuclearised understandings and approaches to being a family that more closely approximate the lives of white Western middle-class nuclear families. Drawing on semi-structured talanoa (akin to interviews) with separated heterosexual Pacific parents, specifically ten mothers and five fathers, living in New Zealand, I contribute to individualisation and relationality debates by examining how agency and identity are enacted following separation. In particular, I examine the way that Pacific mothers and fathers grapple with tenets of individualisation and relationality in terms of how and with whom they organise and negotiate care arrangements for children. My research demonstrates how Pacific gendered norms and values operated in ways that differentially shaped the kinds of decisions that mothers and fathers made about children’s care arrangements. I conclude with a discussion that highlights the significance of integrating cultural relationality into research on family life.(Author's abstract). Record #8834